


Welcome to the Bullet's Revenge

by DisenchantedHalo (Morgawse)



Series: Zero Zero [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, M/M, Space Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 06:59:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgawse/pseuds/DisenchantedHalo
Summary: Space the final frontier… no wait that’s not it … In a galaxy far, far away …no that’s not it either … In space no-one can hear you scream … no still not it...On the good ship Bullets’ Revenge…Yes that’s it. Finally!Gerard is the hapless captain of the Bullet’s Revenge. He’s useless with anything technical and is an ardent lover of both gravity and Frank. Mikey has been dishonourably discharged from his cherished position as a Lt-Commander in the Space Protection Corps. To Mikey the fact that he’s reduced to scavenging space junk and still cannot be with the man he loves is totally unfair. For Ray being in deep space is not everything that he thought it would be, but at least no-one has guessed either of his secrets, yet. Frank is having a ball, after all he’s in space with the man he loves, and he gets to be a pirate.Can our four heroes survive out there in space, with only each other and their grouchy computer Bob for company? To do this they have to vanquish the competition, their arch enemies (Ray’s opinion) on the Fall Out 1, and avoid capture by the Space Protection Corps. Is it possible?





	Welcome to the Bullet's Revenge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rylescoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rylescoe/gifts).



> Well, welcome to the first in a new series which will be standalone stories featuring Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Ray and Bob (the computer) as space scavengers (aka Space Pirates) on their ship The Bullet's Revenge. Otherstories in the series will include Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy (aka Fall Out Boy - duh) as far more successful space pirates,on the Fall Out 1. 
> 
> Please bear in mind that this series is intended to have a spoof space feel and not be some authentic sci-fi series. Also note I have decided to adopt the substitute curse words from various serious and comedy space films/TV shows, so just go with it.
> 
> This first one is gifted to the wonderful Rylescoe because they sparked the idea with their Twitter lament on the lack of stories in the space and pirate AUs. So hope you like it, sweetie.
> 
> I hope I got all the typos and errors, if not apologies.

“The Jolly Roger, Frank? Honestly?”

“Yes, MikeyWay! It’s rad. Means we’re proper pirates now.”

Ray facepalmed as he watched his two friends face off. “Aww, c’mon Mikes, you know you’ve always wanted an excuse to say ‘Arrrr’ and own a parrot that sits on your shoulder screeching ‘pieces of eight, pieces of eight’.

“No, I’m entirely sure that’s you, Long John Toro.” Mikey grabbed at the flag Frank had pinned over the door. He scrunched it up and tossed it, with all the fake disdain he could muster, onto the pile of trash in the corner of the room.

“No fair. I’m telling Captain Way!” Frank grumbled. He loped over to the discarded flag, shaking it out.

“Maybe, the ‘Captain’ will let you put it up over his bunk then. You can play pirate and the tavern wench later. I’m sure Gee can do a good Captain Jack Sparrow for you.”

Mikey gagged at the thought of his brother and Frank going at it. “I so needed that image, Ray. Thanks!”

Ray bowed slightly, “My pleasure. But it’s not you that has to hear them. You get to sleep on the other side of the ship!”

Mikey crossed over to Ray, leaning down he stage-whispered in his ear, “Exactly. A whole bunch of sweet childhood memories with my big brother ruined in one night.”

An impish smile lit up Frank’s face. “Oh, but Mikey, it is NEVER just the once a night.”

“TMI, TMI.” Mikey now had his hands up over his ears. “I’m going to see what of use we snagged from those pussies on the Fall Out 1. Bob, open the cargo bay up, will you?” Mikey strode towards the door, which slid back with a high-pitched squeal.

“You worried you left something behind, eh, MikeyWay?” Frank shouted at Mikey’s back, fully anticipating the dirty look he got from over Mikey’s shoulder. What he hadn’t expected was the sudden fall on Ray’s face, even though Ray immediately tried to cover it up. “Hey Bobby, nix Mikey’s request on the cargo door. Jam it shut, will you? Pleeaase.”

Bob’s image replaced the black vastness of space on the viewer screen. “No problemo, Frankie. It is already jammed. ‘Captain’ Way screwed it up yesterday when he couldn’t make his mind up whether he was going in or out of the fucking thing. I haven’t bothered fixing it yet. Who made that idiot Captain?”

Ray and Frank replied as one, “He did.”

“Truthfully” Ray continued, “we had to let him have that because there isn’t anything else that he’s good at. Heard the expression promoted to the level of your incompetence? Well, that’s our beloved Captain.”

“Oi, Toro!” Frank punched Ray in the arm. “Hands off. Get your own beloved.”

“Sure, floating out here in deep space; so, so many men to choose from! The Fall Out 1 was the first populated ship we’ve seen in months.”

“Point taken. Still, this is your first public warning. Gee is mine!”

“Uh, huh. So, Bob our grumpy navigation and control computer is your public. That makes it easily deniable.” Ray grinned a cheesy smile, as he preened his ‘fro, seemingly tarting himself up for Gerard’s imminent appearance.

“Wasting your time, Ray. He’s sulking in the med bay. Been there all morning.” Bob announced nonchalantly. “Now, are we going to drift aimlessly off into the void or is someone going to give some goddamn co-ordinates?”

“Well, Ray looks like you’re up. I’m outta here.”

“Sure thing, Frank. But, er, before you go. Where did you get that flag from?”

“Stole it from Pete’s cabin yesterday, while you guys were cleaning out their supplies!” Frank winked before motioning at Bob to open the door for him.

“Oh, crap.” Ray slumped forward, his forehead connecting with the panel in front of him. That explained why Mikey was so pissed at Frank.

“Don’t do that!” Bob yelled, his pixelated face turning red. “That’s the weapons console, dumbass!”

*The Medicine Bay*

“Hey babes, Bob ratted you out. Said you’d been sulking in here.”

Gerard looked up from his place, sat cross-legged on the examination bed. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards at the sight of Frank. “I do not sulk! I fervidly contemplate the complete screwed-upedness of my situation.”

Frank’s hand slipped slowly under the hem of Gerard’s t-shirt, before tickling his ribs.

“Get off, you gimboid. You know I hate being tickled.”

“Yeah” came the sassy reply, “and I can’t stand sulkers or ‘fervid contemplaters’, whatever the frell one of those is! Not hiding from baby brother, are you?”

Gerard uncrossed his legs and jumped off the bed, looking around to make sure Mikes had not crept in behind Frank. Ludicrous given how short Frank was in comparison to Mikey, but one was a devious little shit and the other, well let’s just say most people learnt quickly not to cross him.

Frank sneaked up behind Gerard again and tapped him on the shoulder, making Gerard jump “You are, coward!”

“Gritsucker. C’mere, I could do with a smidgen of consolation and reassurance.” Gerard spun round to face Frank, opening his arms as an invitation.

Frank took the hint, pressing himself tightly against Gerard’s chest, his arms wrapped around Gerard’s waist. “Aye, Aye Cap’n. Always ready to obey your command!”

“Oh smeg, please no. Not the pirate crap again, Frank.” Gerard nuzzled his cheek against the top of Frank’s head, seeking the comfort he wanted but also as a way of distracting his boyfriend from his bizarre fascination with them being pirates.

“But, Cap’n Way, sir…nah, can’t keep that going too long.” Frank’s body shook with laughter as he tilted his head upwards for a kiss. “But, I mean, we are space pirates, aren’t we? We steal and loot stuff. Space is as vast as the ocean. We’re on a spaceSHIP. See, pirates.” Frank’s face was expectant, like a little kid in class who was utterly convinced they had just got the right answer to the teacher’s difficult question.

Gerard leant down for the kiss. A soft peck on Frank’s lips. “No, sugar. We’re a bunch of space bums, stranded, admittedly, on a spaceSHIP,” Gerard thought it hilarious to imitate Frank’s emphasis of the word ship, “because we totally suck ass at doing anything else, and have to survive out here somehow.”

“GERARD ARTHUR WAY” Mikey’s irate shout could be heard even before the door opened.

“Quick, Frankie, hide me!” Gerard pleaded but not quickly enough.

“No, Frankie, don’t hide him. But YOU better run and hide, ‘cos you’re next on the shit list!” Mikey’s long legs made short work of the distance from the door to where Frank and Gerard were standing. His eyes were blazing.

“What’s the…”

“Don’t feign innocence, Gee. You’re the only imbecile that the ship’s log said has been anywhere near the cargo bay since we got back from the Fall Out 1. Somehow you managed to bust the smegging door.”

“Bob can fix it.” Gerard shrugged. “No biggie.”

“Oh, it is a biggie. Bob says it will take him days to get it sorted. In the meantime, we have no idea if we got anything we can trade or make use of.”

Frank sniggered unable to contain himself. Mikey eyed him with suspicion. “Oh, please MikeyWay, don’t mind me; go on with your rant. I love it when you get all worked up. It’s so hot.” Frank blew Mikey several kisses to illustrate his point.

Luckily before Gerard had to intervene to stop all-out war breaking out over something so stupid, Ray came on the ship’s communication system. “Hey, guys, can you all, like, er, get back to the bridge. There’s something you need to see.”

Gerard made a mental note to talk to both Mikey and Frank to find out what was really going on. There was always friendly banter between them, but this? “Oh well,” he muttered, “this is the lot of a spaceship captain. Might make an interesting episode for one of those ‘Captain’s Log’ thingies. See, I do some totally awesome things around here, only not when it comes to the space junk or technology of any kind! Oh yeah,” he added, “I also need to have a little chat with Bob for squealing about my mishap with the cargo bay door and subsequent hiding place.” Feeling vindicated and self-satisfied after his pep talk, he scampered out of the med bay after Frank and Mikey.

*The Bridge*  
“Bob. Bob. Bob! For pity’s sake Bob, you can’t be too busy to put in an appearance, you’re the ship’s computer.” Ray was red in the face, flustered, a small bump discernible on his left temple. Ray was grateful that a disaster of ginormous proportions had been averted when his head had only clipped the corner of the weapons array, not close enough to any of the control switches to fire any of the weapons. He was slightly disconcerted though, that Bob thought the simple collision of head with console would be enough to launch lasers, phasers, torpedoes or whatever shit the Bullet’s Revenge was carrying, but right now that was the least of his worries.

“Captain on the Bridge” Gerard’s singsong voice announced the arrival of the rest of the embodied crew on the bridge, earning him scornful looks from his crewmates. “What? That’s what they always say on Star Trek when Kirk exits the elevator.” Gerard’s voice carried an honest to goodness genuine tinge of hurt that his brother, best friend, and his lover never gave him the respect he felt was due his standing as a spaceship captain.

“Yeah, doofus, like you are totally Jim Kirk.” Mikey ruffled his brother’s hair, the kerfuffle over the cargo bay temporarily pushed to the back of his mind.

Gerard deliberately plonked himself down in the Captain’s chair, squinting at the screen in front of him, which was not showing either Bob’s visage or the next several light years in front of them. No, it was showing some way boring schematic of, well, he was not entirely sure what. “Ray, you called us up here for this?”

“Not entirely,” there was a sheepish look on Ray’s face. “That’s kind of the main reason but, before he decided TO SHOVE OFF AND PRETEND THAT HE’S BUSY, Bob indicated a skirmish was breaking out in the med bay, so I thought you could use an interruption.”

“Ok, Bob has so got to stop spying on all of us! It’s creepy and, oh…” Gerard’s face turned beetroot when he realised what else Bob might be viewing. Add that to the list of things I need to speak with him about, he thought.

Mikey seated himself at the next control station to Ray, then spun his chair round to face him. “What did you do,” Mikey stopped mid-sentence apparently changing his line of questioning when he noticed the bump on Ray’s head which somehow Ray’s amazing mop of brown curly hair did nothing to hide. “That wasn’t there when I left – what did the gnome over there do?” Mikey pointed at Frank. “He was still here when I left the bridge earlier.”

“You lanky …”

Ray chuckled as he cut Frank off. “No, for once, not the lunatic energiser bunny. Not physically, anyway.”

Mikey and Frank pulled matching quizzical faces. Frank knowing that he could not be responsible in any way for Ray’s shiner; while Mikey was intrigued as to how it had been indirectly Frank’s fault and not anticipating that it was, in fact, the result of the pirate flag debacle.

“According to Bob, I almost fired weapons out into space with my forehead because of you two acting the fool. When I had a go at him about how the weapons array could be that oversensitive and unsecured, he sulked said it was a fault in the system and now won’t come back.”

“Frell,” Mikey butted in, “I gave him a hard time about the trash compactor failing until I kicked it earlier today, too. He muttered something about not being the maintenance man, lack of nanobots and gimboid’s ignoring the standard protocols for servicing Gamma class cruisers.”

Gerard grimaced, as he realised that the ship’s computer was in a strop because they were all pestering it (or should that be him) for repairs to the ageing vessel. “I whinged at him about all the doors squeaking and sticking instead of opening smoothly, just before the cargo bay one jammed shut. Frank, what have you moaned at him about in the past 24 hours that’s wrong with our beloved Bullet’s Revenge?”

Frank shook his head with a smug smile. “Nothing. In fact, yesterday I complimented him for fixing the replicator in my cabin. It was a fantastic job, couldn’t have done a better job myself.”

“But you never use your cabin, let alone the replicator,” Mikey remonstrated. Then light dawned. “Come to think of it, why the hell are we relying on Bob to fix things, when tinkering with electronics is one of Frank’s hobbies? Maybe, instead of ways to make his scratchy singing sound better when he records his ‘songs’, and yes, Frank, the bunny quotes were required, he could fix the millions of broken things on this ship?”

“Hey, I’m gonna be an interplanetary, maybe intergalactic, superstar one day. Then you’ll eat your words, MikeyWay.” Frank decided now was the most opportune moment to sit in Gerard’s lap and nibble gently on his ear. Luckily for him, Gerard did not push him off.

“That’s actually a half decent idea. Bob does seem somewhat reluctant to do the fixing up and some shit like the, uh um, cargo bay door that somemoronjammed, are a high priority for repairs.” Gerard was attempting to mollify Mikey. Frank seemed happy enough now he had progressed to licking that sensitive part of Gerard between neck and shoulder, and wiggling his butt around trying to start something in Gerard’s pants. So, no need to placate him then.

“Hold on a cotton-picking minute. If Bob said it would take him days to repair that door, how long is it going to take me? I haven’t got a frelling clue how that stuff works.”

“Well, Frankie Boy, you’d better find out!” This time it was not Mikey winding him up, it was Ray. “If this is what I think it is, then it’s a disused science station. Bound to have loads of items we could sell or trade.”

“Hate to rain on your parade, Brainiac, but if it has been disused for any length of time, it will have been cleaned out by now.”

“Can’t hurt to look, can it, Mikes?” Gerard threw in his opinion, tracing small circles on Frank’s back.

“Not like we’ve got anywhere we’ve got to be” Ray rejoindered. “I get cabin fever cooped up in this heap of junk day in day out. Besides, what if it hasn’t been cleaned out or someone missed just one really cool gadget or widget that’s worth more than the whole collection in the cargo bay put together?”

“How long till we get there?” Mikey was resigned to being outvoted, but secretly as pleased as Ray at another opportunity to get off the Bullet’s Revenge. Perhaps he could send a secret message…No absolutely not. No way. No, Mikey, bad idea!

“That’s what I needed our extremely friendly and ever helpful navigation computer to tell me. But, as you can see, he’s playing hooky!”

*Some time later*

“Is the ship supposed to shudder like that? The bulkheads aren’t going to crack open when we drop out of hyperspace, are they? Pleeaase say the ship’s integrity will hold!”

“Sure, Frankie, it’ll hold.”

Ray exchanged a worried look with Mikey, neither as certain as Gerard that the ship disintegrating around them was not a possibility.

“C’mon old girl. You can do it,” Ray coaxed as he tapped the hull.

“Not filling me with confidence, dude,” Frankie squeaked burying his head in Gerard’s shoulder.

With an ominous rattling and a strange groan from the engines, the Bullet’s Revenge dropped out of hyperspace. The whole crew let out a sigh of relief that they had not been blown apart. What was of concern, given that Bob had refused to reappear meaning that Ray had to make the jump calculations instead, was - where were they?

Ray jabbed at the navi-comp console, then stared expectantly at the main viewing screen. Nothing.

“Frelling hell. Screw this heap of junk. That was working before we used the Faster Than Light drive.” Ray thumped the panel in frustration. As if by magic an image of a space station materialised before their eyes.

“Frak yeah!” Mikey gave a tiny fist pump, before resuming his usual stoic demeanour. “Amazing, Ray. Well done.”

“Secret skill or what? You kept that hidden! Who knew you were a navigation genius?” Frank leapt off Gerard to hug Ray.

Ray simply smiled. A knowing smile. He was not about to share his secret.

“Huh, lucky guess, eh?” Disgruntled would be an understatement for the expression on Bob’s face. “Well, if you don’t need me anymore….”

The ship jerked. Suddenly the space station was beginning to loom larger and larger in the viewing screen.

“Oh smeg!” Bob’s face changed.

“Totally inspiring us with confidence, Mr ‘leave us at the mercy of Ray’s calculation skills’,” Frank, using every ninja skill he had (which incidentally was none) slithered up to the screen so he that could scowl at Bob close up. “’Oh smeg’ what?”

“Automated docking system. We’re not fully operational enough for that.”

This time Gerard joined Ray and Mikey with the concerned expression. Frank was still too irate with Bob to be alarmed.

“What does that mean, exactly?” Mikey enunciated every word slowly.

If he had had shoulders, Bob would have shrugged as he rolled his eyes. “The airlock might not fully seal. It’s a bit wonky.”

“A bit wonky!” the apprehensive crew exclaimed.

“Probably won’t cause you a problem. But then again, it could come unstuck at any time throwing whoever is in transit out into cold, dark space; and we don’t have four space spacesuits, well not four that don’t need patching. So if you’re going to go across, you might as well go without suits but do take the oxygen packs, just in case there’s none over there.”

Frank drew his arm back, fist clenched, teeth gritted. “One of these days I am so gonna smack the living frak out of you…”

“Like to see you try, short stuff!” With that Bob disappeared again, returning the view to that of the space station’s fast approaching docking bay.

*On the space station*

“Ok, so I have a list of things to look out for. It would be good if EVERYONE kept an eye out.” Ray raised an eyebrow looking directly at Frank, as his finger hovered over the airlock release button. “No stealing useless flags!”

Gerard giggled as Frank bristled at the insinuation that he was always goofing off and not the most diligent crewmember. “Aw poor baby, c’mon you can come with me.” Moving his mouth next to Frank’s ear, he lowered his voice, “I have a better way to keep you amused while the others scavenge.”

“What the frak!” Mikey began to drift through the airlock door, hands scrabbling to get a hold on the door frame.

“Smeg. This is gonna make it harder.” Ray too found himself floating away into the station.

“Ooh back up, Gee. I need to take a run-up.” With that Frank reversed a few paces back along the walkway then launched himself forward at speed before diving through the door intent on performing as many somersaults as possible until he collided with the opposite wall.

Gerard was now clinging desperately onto the walkway rail in the airlock. “Wh...what happened to the artificial gravity? I thought Bob said that…”

“Gerard come on. You can’t stay there like that.” Mikey scolded, having adjusted to manoeuvring himself around without the aid of gravity. “It’s easy enough to get around if you don’t fight it.”

Gerard shook his head. “No, nuh, uh. The thought of aimlessly floating around makes me queasy. You guys go ahead without me. I’ll, er, coordinate things from here.”

“Captain Gerard Way, fearless leader of the Bullet’s Revenge, stuck like a scaredy cat little girl, afraid of a little Zero-G!” Mikey mocked his big brother. “How about I go see if I can get the artificial gravity turned on, will you come out of the airlock then?”

Gerard huffed, although he nodded in response to his brother, who pushed off from the side positioning himself to drift off through one of the passageways in the hope it might lead him to the control room. Ray chose another hall, muttering something about starting the hunt for salvage by himself if no other gimboid was going to help him.

“Nice work, babes, getting rid of the others. You can come out now.”

“Uh, not joking Frankie. You know how I hate this space thing. I like terra firma.”

“Should’ve thought about that before running away on a spaceship. Kinda dictates that you have to do the ‘space thing’.” Frank too was starting to feel somewhat nauseous. Too many somersaults and rolls in too short a time. “Worry not, fair maiden; I’m coming to get you! By the way, what was that idea you had?”

A blush began to creep its way over Gerard’s delicate features. “Well, since you’ve been such a little tease all day, I thought it might be time to do something about it. Somewhere well away from Bob’s prying sensors, and without Ray banging on the walls telling you to shut up. But I’m rethinking that offer unless Mikey gets the gravity working.”

“Oh no, you don’t!” Frank began prying Gerard’s fingers off the rail. “One little piggy, two little piggies, three little piggies…”

“Frank, stop it. Seriously.”

“Four little piggies. Oh look, no more little piggies.” Frank wrapped Gerard’s had around his waist. “Now let go with the other hand. I got ya.” Determined to distract Gerard even more, Frank pressed his lips hungrily against Gerard’s. That worked for a couple of seconds as they floated out into the room. Unfortunately, once in that open space, staying connected was a much more difficult job.

“You didn’t think this through, did you?” Gerard questioned as his arms flailed about trying to stay connected to Frank. Each attempt to grab onto each other, each tentative stroke, or clash of lips ended in them floating apart.

“Well, that blows! If you don’t get yourself back over here, I’m eating those cookies you think you got hidden under a stash of t-shirts.”

Gerard was back at Frank’s side in a flash. Ok, so maybe not a flash, but as quickly as was possible without gravity. “Son of a Balvorian nerfherder! Don’t you dare touch my cookies!”

“They’re safe – for now!” Frank waggled his eyebrows. “I got an idea.”

“Whoa, easy there, tiger.” Gerard choked out as he ogled his boyfriend attempting to undo both their belts at the same time. His eyes bulged even more when, after following Frank to the ladder at the far side of the room, Frank shoved him back against the ladder, but Frank could not stay close enough to do whatever it was he was up to.

“Really ruining the mood!” Frank whined, then handed Gerard their conjoined belts. “Just do it yourself. I give up.”

“Do what myself?” Gerard was making his best limpet impression on the ladder, relieved finally to have something solid with handholds to cling onto. “Ah, no don’t worry.” Gerard caught Frank’s train of thought – tie him to the ladder so that at least one of them was stationary. “But you know I don’t like being restrained – you’re the slut for domination baby!”

“Yeah, and you’re also the one that hates Zero-G right?”

Gerard gave in and fumbled for a minute or so as he threaded the belts around himself, careful to leave Frank enough of a loop to hold onto, still desperately holding onto a rung.

“Now, for the fun part! Oooh, I’ve waited to do this for ages.” Frank blurted out right before licking a sloppy stripe up the side of Gerard’s face.

“Um, don’t know about you Frankie, but there’s a slight problem.” Gerard piped up after five minutes of uninterrupted attention from Frank’s lips and one of his hands. “I got all the feelings, but none of the action, if you get my drift?”

Frank’s gaze shifted down to his boyfriend’s crotch. Nothing, nada, zip, bubkis. His bottom lip started to curl.

“No, you’re not losing your touch!”

“Maybe it’s you. You’re getting old. You know they say it can happen as you age!” Frank hollered as, with a cheeky twinkle in his eyes, he pushed off from Gerard and tumbled backwards heels over head until he crashed into the wall. “Ow!” he squeaked rubbing his head.

“Frank, I’m thirty-five; it’s not that old.”

“I don’t even want to ask!” A breathless Ray was clawing his way up the corridor and around the room’s edge back to the airlock. “Untie him now, Frank. Move it!”

A highly confused Frank stared at Ray, leaving Gerard connected to the ladder.

“Raymond Toro – what did you just break? There are sensors beeping and flashing all over the place in here?” Mikey’s voice bellowed over the communication system. “So many flashing lights, I don’t know whether to bust a few disco moves or worry about getting a blinding headache! And I have no idea now which switch might turn the gravity on.”

“Mikey just get back to the airlock. NOW. We have to leave.” Ray’s pace hadn’t slowed as he advanced towards the airlock.

“But we have nothing…” Mikey protested above the cacophony of alarms in the background.

“Just do it, please Mikey. Now’s not the time for explanations” Ray pleaded as he clambered through onto the walkway, closely followed by a peeved-looking Frank and Gerard.

Gerard, fell to his knees in gratitude at being back on the airlock walkway, despite being annoyed at the interruption to Frank’s attempts at fucking him in Zero-G. “Yes, yes, yes! Now can someone open the door so that I can get back on board my ship.”

“Sure thing, Big Bro,” Mikey said. Nothing happened after he had typed in the code. He tried again. The door still did not budge. “Ray, what’s the code?”

“You should know that by heart, MikeyWay, it’s a special day in the Way household...and my heart” Frank crowed.

Ray nudged Mikey out of the way to have a go himself. He got the same response. “Bob, for the love of all that is holy, open the frelling door” he shouted pounding on the door back into the transit bay of the Bullet’s Revenge.

“No, sorry. No can do. Turn to the door on your left – no other left.” The four men turned in surprise to see a door none of them had ever noticed before. “I’ll open that in a sec. You four must stay in quarantine for the next three weeks. Luckily for you, the replicators and the oxygen recyclers work down there, so I’m sure you’ll be a comfortable bunch of happy campers in the two one-person quarantine chambers.” Bob smirked. “I checked the history of the outpost while you guys were gone. Looks like they were testing biological weapons for use against carbon-based species, which includes you humans. The Maerf closed it down when they had a leak in one of the laboratories. Left it there drifting in space for any old dumbass to find and disturb the biological agents.”

Ray suddenly found his shoes most interesting. How was he supposed to have known that the room with the massive X in tape across the door with lettering in some alien language was a no-go area? He could not possibly be expected to have known that by opening that door to get to the goodies he could see in the lab he would be releasing some air-borne toxin into the atmosphere, could he? Now he was going to be shut up in a confined space with Mikey for three weeks. That did not bode well on any score. There was a high probability that Mikey would try to kill him. There was an even higher possibility that Ray would have significant difficulties keeping his hands to himself being in such proximity to Mikey, but he would try. If he failed? Then the odds on scenario one happening increased exponentially.

*One week later*  
Mysteriously, the doors to both quarantine cabins slid open simultaneously. Mikey was the first out, looking rattled. Ray followed, a painful looking bruise circling his left eye, his t-shirt pulled out of shape especially at the neckline, where it looked like someone had used it to hold him immobile. Eventually, after what sounded suspiciously like muffled moans, Frank and Gerard emerged from the other berth, rapidly fixing their pants, hair more messed up than usual, tell-tale little purple marks adorning both their necks.

“A zippidy do da morning to you all. Congratulations! It seems like none of you is showing any signs of infection, so I thought I’d let you out early.”

Ray exhaled. Relief visible in the way that his shoulders lowered away from his ears. Mikey pulled a suspicious face. Frank and Gerard were still too busy making themselves not look like they were just making out to take any notice.

“There was never any danger was there, Bob? I looked at the data yesterday, that station was abandoned over 15 years ago, and the life of the virus even in its sterile state would be no more than ten years?”

“Ah, but Mikey we don’t actually know that. It was just supposition on the part of those that escaped.” Bob’ tone had a distinctly smug edge to it. “So, you know better prepared than sorry? Besides, being such a stickler for ship’s protocol, you will know that after an unsuited expedition all away team members must be quarantined to check for ANY alien contamination.”

Mikey spluttered but had to acknowledge that the self-righteous computer was correct. That was exactly what the Space Protection Corps handbook for deep space missions said. Therefore, he had to abide by the rules, even though he was no longer a part of the Space Protection Corps – Thanks, Gerard!

“As it turns out, none of you contracted anything – well, not anything contagious anyway.” Bob inclined his head towards a blushing Ray who had stuffed his hands into his pant pockets and was studiously avoiding looking in Mikey’s direction. “So, in accordance with the proper procedure, I let you out – before you killed Ray.” Bob paused for effect. “That and well, there’s another unaligned Gamma class cruiser heading towards us. It looks suspiciously like the Fall Out 1.”

“Bob, raise the deflector shields!” Gerard yelled.

“We don’t have any deflector shields.” Bob’s calm image replied.

“Bob, please, I am the captain here. Raise the smegging deflector shields.”

Ray, Mikey and Frank nodded at Bob, imploring him to humour Gerard.

“Bob, where are those deflector shields?” Gerard’s tone was more panicked than commanding now.

“Deflector shields raised, Captain”.

Satisfied that his position was being honoured, Gerard started off towards the bridge. He most definitely did not stop off at the nearest replicator for a whiskey-laced coffee with which to face the wrath of Pete Wentz, Captain of the Fall Out 1, the most successful scavengers in the known universe.

**Author's Note:**

> So there it is, the first in the new series. I will update this as and when I write another story for it, rather than commit to an upload schedule, as I have other multi-chapter stories and one-shot ideas on the go. I do have a few other ideas for stories though - hence the series. However, if there is any plot that you would like me to write for it, then comment below or go on twitter and suggest it there. 
> 
> I really enjoy interacting with people who read my writing, so please comment and let me know what you thought. All constructive comments welcome.
> 
> I hang out on twitter under @morgawse_hp if you'd like to connect – I promise to follow back. I always tweet when I post something on here, and then there are the other random rants. I am always open to suggestions for one-shot ideas about anything on Twitter, so feel free to hmu.


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